Another F'ing Game Grumps Lootcrate Commercial
by pantiara
Summary: Arin, Barry, and Suzy make another game grumps Lootcrate commercial, which brings shame to everyone who reads it. Warning: language, violence


Barry sat quietly in the Grumps communal kitchen, sadly munching a bowl of cereal and staring into space. It was a normal Tuesday morning ritual, unbroken for many moons.

Suddenly, Arin slid into the room wearing nothing but socks and underwear. He slipped and fell on his ass onto the wood floor, like a cartoon character made of pasty meat. He screamed and writhed in agony as Barry continued to eat his cereal and contemplate the uselessness of existence.

Finally, Barry noticed Arin's pitiful wailing and turned to face him.

"Whatcha doin', Arin?" he asked quietly.

Arin sprang to his feet as if nothing had happened. "Hey, Barry!" he ejaculated, "WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOOXX?"

Barry stopped munching and looked around him. There were no boxes to speak of in the room.

"What b-"

"WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOOOX?" he screamed again, pointing at the stove.

"Oh, you mean the ov-?"

"THE BOOOOOOOXX WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOXX?" he cried.

"Well..." said Barry, getting up and opening the oven door. He reached inside to grab-

"a loaf of banana bread," he slapped the bread onto the stovetop, squishing it into the range.

"a pazizza," he took out a slice of cold pizza, then threw it at the wall.

"a bowl of farts," he gently removed a bowl of broccoli, tenderly stroking each piece.

"and dick cushions," he finished, taking out a bag of hot dog buns.

"That stuff's SHIT!" said Arin, gathering up all of the items and dumping them into the cat food bowls, terrifying Mochi and Mimi. They ran out of the room as fast as their stumpy legs could carry them.

Barry sighed. "I know, Arin, but..." his lower lip began to quiver, "it's all I have in the world..."

Arin put his arm around Barry's shoulder, "That's not true, ya silly dingus," he smiled like a perverted idiot. "Have you heard of Lootcrate?"

"I've done like, 10 commercials about-"

"Lootcrate!" Arin exploded, breaking the fourth wall and looking at the camera, as happy 50's muzak played in the background. "It's a whole bunch of awesome shit delivered every month!"

Out of nowhere, a Lootcrate box appeared on the kitchen table. Barry opened his eyes wide in terror and arousal.

"Look at this!" Arin cried, reaching into the box, pulling out-

"an awesome Tardis tee shirt!" he sniffed it and let out a long, shuddering breath.

"a squeaky dog toy shaped like Zoidberg!" he grabbed it with his teeth and shook it violently.

"a Stimpy stuffed animal!" he shoved Stimpy head first into his underwear.

"A MUUUUUUG!" he screamed, and broke it against the floor.

The musak stopped abruptly as Arin and Barry stared at the shards on the floor, Stimpy still stuffed into Arin's briefs.

"That's a lot better than all that other stuff!" said Barry brightly, the musak returning as quickly as it'd stopped.

"I know right!" answered Arin, laughing like a cheesy nightmare. Barry began to laugh, too.

Suddenly, Arin grabbed Barry by the hair, holding a shard of broken mug against his neck. "Don't you dare tell me something I already know, you little bitch!" he growled.

Barry's laughter turned into terrified sobs, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Arin, please don't!" Tears streamed from his eyes.

"Hey, babe," Suzy's voice came from behind them.

"Oh, hey Suzy," Arin replied, letting go of Barry's hair. Barry still sputtered and cried.

"Is that the new Lootcrate?" she asked, looking into the box.

"Sure is!" he replied like a cokehead on PCP. Suzy took the Stimpy doll out of his underwear and hugged it as Arin explained, "You can get 10% off by using the code 'gamegrumps' when you search the internet for dog porn!"

Barry and Suzy stared at him in confusion and horror. Mochi mewed off in the living room.

"I mean, you can get 10% off by using the code 'gamegrumps' when you sign up on the Lootcrate website!" he corrected himself.

Barry rolled his eyes. "Oh, that's good, 'cause I thought you said-"

"Don't you dare tell anyone I watch dog porn!" growled Arin, grabbing his hair and putting the shard back up to his neck.

"I- I won't! I swear to god, please just don't kill me!" wailed Barry.

"Hey, babe?" Suzy said, looking into the oven.

"Yeah, babe?" Arin let go of Barry again.

Barry let out a long sigh and whispered, "Oh Christ."

"We're out of farts," said Suzy, the curves of her ass prominently displayed. Someone in the room made a tiny poot, and she pulled a surprised face, covering her mouth with her hand. Everyone in the kitchen began laughing, including a nonexistent canned studio audience, as information about Lootcrate scrolled down from the top of the screen.

The moral of the story: don't run out of farts.


End file.
